“Dear darkness, dear darkness 

      Now it’s your time to look after us”

 

(PJ Harvey 2007)



As you will have gathered, I have provided a home for “darkness”, rather frequently over the last few years. Accordingly, I guess that it is time for it to give me something in return. I am however unconvinced that (with the exception of providing concealment) it is much good at looking after people. It therefore seems appropriate to look elsewhere … 

 

Right – I’ll cut to the chase (and it is hard to admit!) - one of the outcomes of my injury, is that:

 

I need care

 

There – I said it! …

 

So – why was it difficult to do so?

 

As you will have gathered, the main impact of my brain injury has been negative psychological change. This has resulted in some new needs – namely the maintenance of my emotional wellbeing. 

 

BUT

 

In the earlier days of Phil v2.0, I was rather in denial about these needs.  I was trying my upmost to hang on to Phil v1.0 and found it very difficult to accept my mental changes and a resultant need for assistance. This led to a feeling that I was much more capable than others gave me credit for. In the light of this, the provision of care felt inappropriate and constituted unnecessary interference. I often felt patronised. On many occasions, this would lead to unwarranted outpourings of distress and anger – directed at those who least deserved them! 

 

I am however pleased to report that with the passage of time, I have become more aware of the differences between the 2 versions of Phil and the newfound needs of the latest one. It is an ongoing process, but I am on my way to an acceptance of adaptation – and that includes the fact that v2.0 needs help with some things; and feelings of patronisation and interference are gradually becoming replaced by an appreciation of assistance.

 

It is also something of a challenge in that (even with an admission of its necessity) I can’t help sometimes feeling a little bit ashamed of needing to be looked after. I am though, becoming more and more aware of the inappropriateness of these thoughts and they are gradually diminishing.

 

As a part of painting a picture of Phil v2.0’s life, I will now say just a few words about my third-party care. 

 

Shortly after the accident, much of my day-to-day care, was provided by my family. In addition to the provision of plentiful emotional support (very much, ongoing!), I needed assistance in the re-learning of quite a few “activities of daily living” – even things such as how to catch a bus and shop in a supermarket! This help was necessary, duly provided and much appreciated.

 

As I have previously mentioned, about 5 years ago, it was (for upsetting but wholly understandable reasons) decided that it would be in various person’s interests, If I were to no longer live in my former family home. 

 

One consequence of a move to living alone is a need for much more professional care. Although my family remain very supportive and helpful, this shift in the balance of care rather upsets me. Although I absolutely understand why this had to become the case, I find it hard to rid myself of a regret at the shift (not 100%!) from personal to professional care.

 

Care needs and relationships can be complex and accordingly it was determined appropriate, to find and appoint a professional care manager.

 

Such an individual was found and to say that the right choice was made is an understatement!

 

The lady in question then worked on putting together a bespoke care package. In doing so, she worked closely with me in order to identify my own mental difficulties and formulate ways of providing some alleviation through the provision of care. The end result was a detailed and agreed “care plan” that would facilitate successful solitary living arrangements. 

 

Through our many conversations, we decided (as I’ve previously said) that a full and worthwhile lifestyle was of great assistance with my newfound psychological difficulties.

 

A key part of the care plan accordingly, is the provision of supportive care workers who will motivate and facilitate my meaningful occupation, in a truly caring environment.

 

Such persons have been appointed and they do just this, in accordance with the plan. My care manager has overall oversight of my care and keeps my needs and potential means of addressing them, under review.

 

On the ground care workers, wherever possible, are recruited with reference to shared interests in which we can jointly participate.

 

For example, I have co-written some music and played it live with one care worker. With another, I have shared a couple of overnight trips, for both of us to take part in running races.

 

A new carer also shares an interest in running and has suggested that we train together. 

 

Given though, that he has run in many marathons and ultra-marathons, I sense a drastic physical incompatibility – to say the least! I only hope he doesn’t mind hanging around for a very long time indeed, while I try to catch up …




Popular posts from this blog

Image
  This one isn’t so much about me – more, my youngest son, and his recent triumphs.   That is not to say that my other children have underachieved.  Quite the opposite . They have provided me with (and continue to do so) very many sources of pride.   Given that the following events are very recent though, in this post , the spotlight falls on their younger brother...   First, his A level results:   Perhaps needless to say, he didn’t achieve  an  A grade.   He got  three  of them, and has secured a place at Cambridge, to read English.   In the past, I’ve told him that, rather than striving for academic excellence, it is better to be a star footballer and fearsome fighter. As you can tell, he didn’t heed this advice!   Jokes apart , I am immensely pleased for him .   And, if that isn’t enough...   Last month, the theatre company , that he founded presented a play at Edinburgh Fringe   I understand that acceptance by the festival is, something of an honour.   But:    Not only did he act t
Read more
Image
“That's how grateful we are, that's how grateful we are That's how grateful we are, that's how grateful we are That's how grateful we are, that's how grateful we are That's how grateful we are, that's how grateful we are”   (Chumbawamba 1990)   I have previously mentioned, my involvement with  the South Manchester and Stockport branch of Headway – the brain injury association.    Our branch is charitable and non-trading. Accordingly, we can only spend for the benefit of our members, money that we can raise from charitable sources. Perhaps needless to say, we are on the  constant lookout for charitable funds.    An obvious source of these, are  donations.   Saturday 7 October, saw the culmination of a fundraising exercise, that generated donations, amounting to  more than £800!   A team of three senior corporate lawyers (old colleagues of mine), competed in my local parkrun, and obtained sponsorship for their efforts.   They gave up their normal Saturday
Read more
Image
  The “star” of this post is my eldest son. As you might recall, he is an actor.   This Christmas, I had the delight of seeing him in the Royal Exchange Theatre’s Christmas presentation.   It was a theatrical adaptation of the Noel Coward film, “Brief Encounter”.   Despite its immense acclaim, I have never seen the film, nor had any burning desire, to do so.   I did, though, thoroughly enjoy the play, and might check out the movie, accordingly.   First, I really took to the story, with its bittersweet connotations.   For those who know the story, here’s a question for you...   Is it a happy or sad ending?   I accept that the course of action taken, was the “right” thing to do. Nevertheless, I tend towards “sad”.   Perhaps I am, intrinsically immoral?!   More important than the story though, was the immensely high standard of the acting  - and that includes my son!   As a Christmas production, an element of levity was introduced, through the inclusion of live music, songs, and dance.  
Read more