“It'll work itself out fine,
All we need is just a little patience”

 

(Guns N’ Roses 1989)



The inspiration for this post is really twofold (although I could have mentioned quite a few other things!):

 

·      First, I propose to commence a new hobby. Namely, the cultivation of Bonsai trees. Once the seeds are planted though, an end product is at least, two years away.

 

·      Further, I work out with weights and undertake abdominal exercises on a daily basis. I do know that plenty of people will say that weight training is nothing more than a route to strength and fitness. I am however, a little more honest - to me, it is all about building vanity muscles. I am after a “ripped, beach body”! Sadly, there are no signs of this yet and probably never will be, unless I keep at it for a very long time. I might be after a “six pack”, but the only one that I’m likely to get, can be purchased in an off-licence!

 

What these things have in common, is that they all require patience - and that is something that Phil v2.0 has been rather short of!

 

The above were needless to say, utterly trivial, when compared with some other challenges to my patience.

 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the really big issue for me, is my “recovery”.


In many instances, getting well as quickly as possible, is an ambition of those who are ill.

 

... and I am no different!

 

Very shortly after the accident, I was under the false impression, that hospitalisation was a means to a cure and that once healed, I would be discharged, and that life would carry on as normal.

 

Wrong!

 

I somehow believed that medication was the key, and I was highly impatient, for it to take effect. Although my memories of the period spent in hospital are largely non-existent and at best very hazy, I do have one recollection, for which I remain a little ashamed, to this day: I felt that the medical staff were making an insufficient effort to “fix me” and I ended up loosing my temper and shouting at a poor nurse!

 

Following my discharge, it has taken me a long time to appreciate and begin to accept a more realistic position:

 

·      First, if “recovery” means a return to Phil v1.0 (with all his abilities, ways of thinking and circumstances etc.) - it isn’t going to happen! Phil v1.0 is a thing of the past.

 

Perhaps, there are characteristics (either retained or re-generated) of Phil v2.0 which are shared with his predecessor, but he is never going to become a mirror image of Phil v1.0. Accordingly, an impatient longing for the clock to be turned back is utterly, futile and an acceptance of alteration is ultimately, necessary.

 

·      So, if recovery doesn’t mean that - what does it mean?

 

I believe that a good way of putting it, is “a maximisation of the position of Phil v2.0”. By this, I mean the results of a process of (re)learning and (re)building, such as to recapture contentment and pride (let’s join those two terms together, and just call them “happiness”).  

 

At first sight, I am impatient to reach that position, but let’s step back from that, for a moment 

 

Previous posts have provided various examples (and future ones will continue to do so), but I think that what lies at the heart of getting there, is positive achievement and experience (and I think, that sits comfortably, with my previously expressed views on the importance to me, of occupation).

 

Of course, we all continue to achieve and experience things throughout our lives and to a greater or lesser extent, will always, be “growing”. 

 

It is impossible to predict in advance, when or how, one will have grown to a sufficient extent, as to feel content and proud. Many will have already reached such a state and will (perhaps subconsciously) only wish to expand upon and maintain it.

 

For myself, I have tended to believe, that my journey to happiness (through achievement and experience) is well underway but remains incomplete.

 

I can take steps to progress it and make plans as to how best to do so (thus seeking to plot a route) but I can’t be sure of when I will reach my destination - there might be a temporary breakdown or a need to take a diversion. In any event, I will not know precisely, where my destination lies, until I’ve actually arrived at it. I can predict the consequences of arrival (contentedness and a feeling of self-worth) but not where I need to be in order for them to arise.

 

One day I’ll get there but I can’t be certain exactly what it is that will trigger my arrival, when I will achieve this objective and what eventual route I will traverse - with so many unknowns, there’s not a lot of point being impatient, and a greater sense of taking things as they come will reduce some stress and frustration! 

 

So far so good ...

 

... But

 

And it’s a really ...

 

BIG BUT     

 

All this is based on an assumption that the attainment of happiness is a linear and possibly protracted, journey.


It might be (and probably is) unrealistic though, to think that one goes through life, amassing a pile of achievements and experiences, and suddenly, as if by magic, a point is reached when in an instant, "with a bang and a flash", happiness dawns!

 

Every day has the capacity for enjoyment (in one form or another). All we need to do is notice that to be the case - and a bit of retrospective reflection will help here.

 

There isn’t a lot of point spending life with expectant impatience, when what we are looking for might be right around the corner, or might be happening right now, or has just occurred. 

 

And - on that uncharacteristically, upbeat note, I’ll leave it at that ...

 

 

 

 

 

 


 


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